G.I. BLUES

I feel like I’m suffering from whiplash caused by the abrupt change in tone from King Creole to G.I. Blues. It’s like if Al Pacino followed The Godfather with Porky’s. Is it really a terrible movie, or could I have enjoyed it if I hadn’t just seen King Creole? I like some of the other campy movies he made later… Yeah, no, it’s pretty bad.

The thing is, it feels like Elvis isn’t even trying. He plays Tulsa McClean, a US soldier stationed in Germany. It was the first movie Elvis made after being a US soldier stationed in Germany. A documentary of Elvis being a US soldier stationed in Germany would have been a thousand times more interesting than G.I. Blues.

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The plot, such as it is, revolves around Elvis and his buddies having a bet that he can score with the Hot Dangerous Woman, in this case the hot, leggy, dancey Lily, played by Juliet Prowse. Tulsa meets her in the cabaret she works at. She’s not interested in him until he (reluctantly, of course) gets forced by his buddies to get on stage and sing. She is at that point, of course, smitten. But as Tulsa woos her, he falls in love and wants to call off the bet. The rest is just Elvis singing mostly terrible songs, and Juliet Prowse dancing some crazy modern dances, daddy-o. It all might be bearable if the music was better and if Elvis’s acting consisted of anything but mugging at the camera, eye rolling, and double takes. He doesn’t even try to lip sync well.

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Musically, Frankfort Special* and G.I Blues are both good songs, but it’s almost impossible to pick the worst song. First there’s Wooden Heart, which Tulsa sings to a puppet. A. Puppet.  Then there’s Big Boots, a lullaby that Tulsa sings to a cranky baby. Ah, the hell with it, they’re both the Worst Song.

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One other scene of note. There is, of course, a bar fight. It’s remarkable only because of the way it starts. Tulsa and his band are playing at the local HofBrau, and everyone in the audience is digging the tunes but one guy. He walks over to the jukebox and picks a song to blast over the band. The song he picks? Blue Suede Shoes by Elvis Presley. Did G.I Blues invent being Meta?

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ACTING: 3 Elvises - I have faith that he can do worse.

MUSICAL PERFORMANCES: 4 Elvises - Ditto

BEST SONG: Frankfort Special

STUNTS: Bar fight with Meta start, tank driving with blowing stuff up, throwing away of momentum of movie career

CRINGE FACTOR: puppet show, babysitting, acting, most of the music, throwing away of momentum of movie career

KISSIN’: A few, mostly with no chemistry involved

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*I’ve sung Frankfort Special with Little Elvis since about 1991. It occurred to me while watching this that Elvis probably sang Frankfort Special a few times for the movie and never again. I’ve probably sung it hundreds of times. In fact, I may have sung Frankfort Special more than anyone else in the world. So I’ve got going for me…

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