So, yeah. I own G! G! G! on VHS, along with a few other Elvis movies that I didn’t even realize I had and I’m sure I never watched (I’m talkin’ bout you, Tickle Me.) I have a vague memory of a closeout sale at a video store in, I’m guessing, 1989. I’ve seen G! G! G! a few times over the years, and until my viewing a month ago, I had it in my mind as one of the better Elvis movies. I even convinced the family to watch it on that premise last month. (Sorry, guys!)  After seeing several other Elvis movies in the last week, I can say that it is solidly in the low-middle range of the movies I’ve seen so far.

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Right off the bat, Girls! Girls! Girls! stars off goofy with a Busby Berkeley-esque opening number. Elvis is riding in a boat and singing the song Girls! Girls! Girls!* Meanwhile, onshore, and in the water, and on other boats, there are, well, Girl! Girls! GIRLS! And then, right there in the credits, the four words words that make my heart sink: Directed By Norman Taurog. The same guy that brought us G.I Blues and Blue Hawaii is back to his old tricks.

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Elvis plays Ross Carpenter, a fisherman in Hawaii that works for a Greek couple, Mama and Papa Stavros. They own three powerboats that Ross maintains and captains for tourists and sport fishermen, and a sailboat, the West Wind, which Ross happens to live on. 

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When he gets back to shore, he finds out that the Mama and Papa have to move and are selling their boats. Ross is beside himself, especially because he wants the West Wind, like bad. He goes to a nightclub to talk to an ex-girlfriend that sings there (Hot Dangerous Woman Robin), gets talked into jumping on stage to sing a song (“I Don’t Wanna Be Tied,” Awesome!) gets seen by Hot Safe Girl Laurel, and then it’s mostly just a lot of him being a jerk to, well everyone, Laurel liking him anyway, Robin wanting to get back together, and Ross, well, here’s the thing… Girls! Girls! Girls! introduces a new Elvis Movie Trope. Instead of Elvis having to decide between two girls, this time he has to decide between two girls and a boat. Ross is in a Love Parallelogram!

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See, the West Wind is not just an awesome sailboat. And it’s not just his home. Ross and his dad built the West Wind together. And on the day they finished, his dad died. HIs mom, of course, died when he was born. Seriously, every freakin’ Elvis movie has a dead mom.

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From there the whole thing plays out like a sitcom, and it has some of the cringiest cringy scenes in any Elvis movie yet. It starts out with Ross’s crewmate named Chen. He a pretty standard two dimensional stereotype Chinese character. The problem gets worse when Ross takes Laurel out sailing and they have to go to Paradise Cove, where Chen’s family lives, to avoid a storm. Then we get to meet Chen’s entire family and neighbors, and then nobody can stop talking about “Ancient Chinese Proverb” and “Wise Man Say…” and, I kid you knot, “An hour later you’ll be hungry.” Also every other stereotype thing you can think of. 

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And in the middle of that, the two young Chinese neighbor girls sing a song in Cantonese** that Ross translates to English, then starts in Cantonese*** and then sings in English with the two little girls. It’s called “Earth Boy” and it’s worse than “Wooden Heart” or “Ito Eats” or any other song I’ve heard in one of these movies yet. 

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Which is too bad, because other than one clunker, "Because Of Love” the soundtrack is really good. Well, not good good per se, but silly Elvis Movie Song good, which is a real thing, trust me. It’s got “Thanks To The Rolling Sea” (With some of the best background vocals ever) and “The Walls Have Ears” and “We’re Coming In Loaded” and “Song Of The Shrimp,”**** 

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In the actually good department there’s the aforementioned “I Don’t Wanna Be Tied” and as I always forget, “Return To Sender” came from this soundtrack, too. It’s like “I Can’t Help Falling In Love” from Blue Hawaii. It just doesn’t seem right that this classic song debuted in this weird movie.

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In the end, Girls! Girls! Girls! goes out much like it started, but instead of Busby Berkeley, Norman Taurog decided to go with a more Bollywood-esque theme, with Ross dancing with what seems like a hundred girls in costumes from around the world***** while the girl (or boat, I’m not saying…) he picked sits there grinning like an idiot.

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ACTING: 4 Elvises 

MUSICAL PERFORMANCES: 7 Elvises

BEST SONG: Even though I don’t perform it (yet) I gotta go with “I Don’t Wanna Be Tied.”

STUNTS: Bar fight, dock fight, jumping from boat to boat (in the ocean, while moving at high speed) twice.

CRINGE FACTOR: Too much to fit here. See review.

KISSIN’: I actually can’t remember if Ross kisses anyone at any point. 

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*I sing Girls! Girls! Girls! in Little Elvis

** Or maybe Mandarin. I don’t speak either but know that there is no language called Chinese.

*** Or Mandarin

****Greg “Pacer” Baxter sings “Song Of The Shrimp” in Little Elvis

***** Costumes were done by Edith Head, and aside from the great work on the costumes at the end, everything Elvis wears is awesome. In particular, when he’s on the boat he usually wears all black clothing with a black captain’s hat that is unbelievably cool looking.