Have Elvis play two roles?  "Cool. That could be fun.”

Have the two characters be cousins? “Yeah, sure. That would explain them looking alike.”

Make one blonde? “Fine.”

Have one, Josh Morgan, be in the army?  “Well, of course.”

Have his superior be played by Jack Albertson? “That’s good.”

Have the other character, Jodie Tatum, be a hillbilly? “Um, I’m not sure I like where this is headed.”

Have Josh and Jodie fight each other right away when they meet? “You had me at ‘fight each other.’”

Have Jodie live in backwoods Tennessee, with Ma and Pappy Tatum and some other cousins? “If we’re doing the hillbilly thing, that makes sense.”

Have the other cousins be Selena Tatum and Azalea Tatum and have them both be Josh’s love interests?  “Now hold on!”

Have Azalea be played by the actress that played Batgirl in the 60s Batman and the green skinned alien Marta in an episode of Star Trek. But also the gal Elvis’s character forces himself on in the beginning of It Happened At The World’s Fair?   “I thought she looked familiar…”

Have the plot revolve around the Army wanting to put a missile base on the Tatum’s property on Old Smoky Mountain? “Does it really matter?”

Have a group of scantily clad mountain women called the Kittyhawks that run around grabbing the Army guys and pulling them behind bushes because they don’t have any men in Kittyhawk Village? “Wait, what now?”

Have a few really good songs-“Kissin’ Cousins,”* “Once Is Enough,” “Catchin’ On Fast”? “OK, that I like.”

Have Josh ruin “Catchin’ On Fast” by singing it to his cousin Azalea while he’s wooing her? “No! Boo! Stop it!”

Also have a shit ton of bad songs- “Smokey Mountain Boy,” There’s Gold In The Mountains,” “Tender Feeling,” "Barefoot Ballad”?  “I’m warning you!”

Have Josh sing one of the top five worst Elvis movie songs, “One Boy, Two Little Girls” to his cousins Selena and Azalea before he settles on who to woo? “I’m out.”

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ACTING: 6 Elvises (2 for Josh, 4 for Jodie)

MUSICAL PERFORMANCES: 5 Elvises

BEST SONG: ”Kissin’ Cousins”

STUNTS: fighting with himself, drunken dancing, having a career after this movie

CRINGE FACTOR: Two words: Kissin’. Cousins.**  

KISSIN’: Too much. Most of the cousin variety.

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*”Kissin’ Cousins” is sung in Little Elvis by Greg “Pacer” Baxter. It’s interesting that in the movie version Elvis sings some verses as Jodie. In the soundtrack he sings it all straight.

**Also, hillbilly stereotypes.