As expected, it is a non-stop cringe-fest. I don’t recommend watching it as a drinking game.

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It starts with him coming home to the reservation** in a big white convertible, honking his horn and chasing a herd of cattle. His character’s name is Joe Lightcloud.*** He has slightly darker than normal for Elvis skin.**** HIs father is Charlie Lightcloud***** and he is played by Burgess Meredith******* who is pretty much in blackface.******** HIs performance makes Mickey Rooney’s in Breakfast At Tiffany’s look nuanced.

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So yeah, we are like 10 minutes in, and you’re dead from alcohol poisoning. And I haven’t even told you about grandpa, who wears a blanket and finds out about Joe’s return from “smoke talk.”********* 

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This movie is also obnoxiously, relentlessly loud. There are constant sound effects of cows and car horns and yelling and dogs barking and chickens and more yelling. And hooting. I never heard so much hooting! 

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And then they have parties and it get louder. Because then they fight, and there’s all of the regular background sounds plus breaking sounds and smashing sounds but also goofball, straight-outta-Three-Stooges boings and bangs and cuckoo noises. This is the kind of movie where every time a car drives up the dirt road to the house, they use the sound of car tires peeling out on pavement. The foley artist must have been paid by the decibel.

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There’s not much music to speak of. The credits roll with “Stay Away” which, oddly, is set to the Greensleeves melody. At the party, Joe sings “Stay Away, Joe!”********** Later, he sings “Dominic” to two women, which is weird because Dominic is the tribe’s sleepy bull*********** and the lyrics are clearly about the bull. The best song is “All I Needed Was The Rain,” which he sings to the otherwise constantly barking dogs, in probably the best scene in the movie. That tells you a lot right there…

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Sadly, this may be the best looking Elvis movie yet. It’s supposed to be in Arizona, and it looks like they actually shot it in Arizona. There is some really stunning cinematography of the desert, and none of the bad rear projection shots that Elvis movies were famous for. It’s too bad it’s wasted on such a bad movie. I do see that the director, Peter Tewksbury, also directed a later Elvis movie, The Trouble With Girls, so maybe he can redeem himself.

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ACTING: 4 Elvises

MUSICAL PERFORMANCES: 3 Elvises

BEST SONG: “All I Needed Was The Rain”

STUNTS: Fighting and more fighting, simulated bull riding 

CRINGE FACTOR: Start to finish

KISSIN’: Yeah, Joe gets around, too.

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*He caught me off guard early with Flaming Star.

**Drink

***Drink

****Half a drink

*****Drink

******Drink

*******Drink

********All the rest of the alcohol in the world.

*********I really wish I were kidding.

**********I used to do this song with Little Elvis.

***********Don’t ask…

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                                                      SPECIAL "FROM THE COMMENTS" ADDENDUM

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When I originally posted this review, a friend pointed out that I didn't go into details of the plot in the review and asked "Was it really that bad?" This was my response:

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Let’s see.

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Joe sets up a deal to get the tribe 20 cows and a bull from the government to prove that “Indians can be responsible.”

The first thing they do is throw a party in which they decide to roast one of the herd. They are so drunk that they kill and eat the bull.

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Joe’s mom (who is half Mexican and just yells at everyone in Spanish non-stop) proceeds to sell the cows one at a time to do house projects. Like wallpapering the outside of the house with fake stone, and installing a toilet to impress her daughter’s future mother in law, who is white. By the way, the toilet is not hooked up to plumbing, so it can’t actually be flushed.
 

Joe trades his horse for a car at a used car lot. He then proceeds to sell it off piece by piece to fund parties. It ends up on blocks in the front of his house.

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The girl in the picture is the love interest, the 19 year old daughter of the local tavern owner, Glenda. Joe was romantically involved with Glenda before he left. Apparently he was gone a while, because when he got back she was all grown up and he was ready to ditch mom for her.

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Shall I go on?